Saturday, April 19, 2014

This Little Girl, The Cross, and To Abide

When I was a little girl, I loved God first in my life (although this didn't make me very good or the perfect child). I know this because I wrote it in my diary, ahem, journal. But what I wrote probably looked more like this,

#1 I love God.
#2 I love my family.
#3 I love                  .   (Name omitted to protect the individual.)

 I was so moved by His death and resurrection, paying the penalty for my sins, and displaying His love and care for me. His death fulfilled thousands of years of prophecy - and demonstrated His desire for relationship, broken by sin, now restored so I could BE With Him. 

Rising moon over Cape Town from Lion's Head mountain hike.

Isn't that amazing that the God of the universe desires relationship with us? That is close, beside, near, WITH.

God loves me that much. 

God loves you that much.

He desires me to know Him and He to know me.

But today why do I have to remind myself of that little girl? I can try to figure things out, check off my "to do lists," keep busy, try to accomplish - of my own effort. 

But He whispers,

“Just Be With Me.”

You asked me to strip away the “doing,” the “to do lists,” and to reveal my nakedness. Who I am. What You really see. I think it’s ugly. But You, You never have. You see beauty You’ve created and fashioned with care and intention and devotion. It’s difficult to sit still. To not try, to stop achieving and learning and giving and interacting. To JUST BE. Still. Just, breathe.

But really the stillness doesn’t just reveal me. It reveals my insecurities. The lies I’ve chosen to fashion into what I think and feel and believe. And to be honest, these form to make up something that I believed for so long was “me.” These compress and impose and pound – pummeling my mind with questions and squeezing my heart with regret. I am destroyed, charred in bitter and dark remains.

Is this all that I am? Empty? Breathless?

As a lay in waste, I sense a greater Form surrounds me. I can hardly look – my eyes are trapped in scales. But Radiance pervades. So different yet so familiar. And my gaze lifts as Greatness and Grace beckons. I see a reflection - if it’s a mirror it’s not. It’s so similar to me yet it’s not. Clean. Whole. Good.

I don’t hear but I hear... The words “Abide” wrap themselves through my body, my DNA, my atoms. I cannot “do” anything to seek audience with this King. I am “to be” – just To Be WITH Him.

You transform me, showing me that destruction was clothing me. And that it was not – IT IS NOT ME. I do not work to become clean. But You make me clean. As I sit in your presence. 

I am still.

To Be.

To Abide.
"As the Father has loved Me, so I loved you. Abide in My Love."
~ John 15:9 ~

May you reflect on Jesus' Gift of Grace FOR YOU through His death and resurrection. And may you NOT DO more but allow yourself To Be. WITH. To Abide.