When Were You Wrecked? Thoughts about Being "Wrecked" - Beginnings, Bosnia... And the Book "Wrecked: When A Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life" By Jeff Goins

Recently I read the book, Wrecked: When A Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life by Jeff Goins. In his book, Jeff shares his journey to being "wrecked" and the life that has led him to. So he calls others to live to seek and identify being wrecked and to live out a changed life. According to Jeff and the people Jeff knows, being wrecked can be described as "Ruined. Devastated. Undone. Their lives were forever changed, and there was no returning to how life used to be. Their paradigms had shifted. Their worldview was infected with a contagion that was spreading to every facet of their life. More than one person told me, 'I can’t go back to who I was.'"

So I ask myself this question, "When was I wrecked?" Well, I guess the better question for me is when was I first "wrecked?" I realize that the byline to my blog is "thoughts from a broken heart for the broken," and my use of the term "broken"  can relate a bit to this "wreckage." So I think back, before moving to South Africa, before YWAM and missions trips, before staffing my church's youth ministry... Was I wrecked during my first missions trip while in college? I was 2001, and I was age 21. Experiencing the war-torn nation of Bosnia 5 years after their war, hearing TRUE LIFE stories from my new friends, seeing the death marks of bombs and landmines on landscapes, on the skeletal remains of former homes, and on the bodies of ALIVE people whose arms and legs were buried in unmarked graves just as many of the fallen - lost loves ones rested - soldiers, defenders, oppressors, freedom fighters, aggressors, grandmothers, lovers, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters... so many - gone.

I wrote about my experience there right after my trip and one story in particular. As I sat at the war memorial on the hill overlooking his town, my friend related his story. He was just a 13 year old boy - trying to stay alive, to survive, to provide for his family. Snipers had aimed and shot from the hill where I sat  - at the town, at the people, and there they hit, wounded, hurt, maimed, killed, and destroyed Life.

"We cannot become who we are without going through pain. And who can do such a thing without trusting the struggle is worth it? Or that the results will be good? We must endeavor to be wrecked with a deep, reckless faith that confounds the world and maybe even puzzles us at times. It will be worth it." - I agree, Jeff. My wreckage seems a bit synonymous with pain and with death, literally and maybe with death of myself and my rose-colored beliefs. Jeff writes, "true compassion causes your heart to break - even at the moment you're helping. It breaks for all the needs you're not meeting, for everything else you could be doing." He goes on to define compassion as "suffering with."

I attended a silence and solitude retreat a few years back, and what I remember from my time with God, being silent...waiting...and listening...is that God gave me a name, "Mother of Suffering." Sounds a bit bleak, I know, but I feel - deeply.

I haven't had many people in my family die or even close friends - but many people I've known have experienced traumatizing pain and deaths of loves ones. My parents didn't shy away from taking me to funerals as a small child. Some may think I was too young and should have been protected. 

Looking back, I see that physical death is a part of life - timely with old age and even untimely - under unforeseen circumstances. But I understand Death and Pain still Is.

But I also understand that THESE are not the End of Life.

My parents took their first missions trips in the 1980's - maybe that is when they were wrecked. I heard the stories of lives lived in different circumstances than my own and the world I knew. Did I understand at such a young age? Was I wrecked then?

Was I wrecked when a childhood friend of mine didn't show up to elementary school one day, and I never saw her again? I heard that her family moved - suddenly. I've always wondered, what did her life include of pain, of suffering...?

Was I wrecked when I read The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom at age 9? ...as I was moved by many books and their characters thereafter?

Was I wrecked when I learned about wars, the U.S.S.R., the Berlin Wall, and China in my elementary school social studies classes?

Was I wrecked when I understood God's unconditional love and the death of His Son Jesus to save me? I was 10 years old. I was brought to tears I could not control. My heart hurt. Jesus Suffered. I felt his suffering. And I understood the hope of redemption.

Today I find myself in South Africa.

In the future maybe I will be somewhere else.

But each day I look for a piece - of hope.

So much of the time lots and lots of pain and death loom.

But there are still days that I SEE -

I not only grasp - but I KNOW Hope.

I am not saying that being wrecked brings you overseas - nor does Jeff say this. Living out change from this wrecked place does not look like a specific vocation or living in a certain place. Jeff explains, "If you are going to find work worth doing - a vocation to fulfill and challenge you - you will have to encounter a reality bigger than yourself. It may not be what others say it should be or what you think, but it will come if you are looking for it. Our callings come to us as surprises, like a distant dream we could've sworn was real. When you find it, whatever your 'it' is, it will be unavoidable - something that wrecks you and compels you to act. At times, the work you're called to do will be hard and confusing, but if you press in, you will see the purpose behind the pain. You will see how the whole experience is causing you to grow. And you will thanks God for the whole journey."

Jeff calls his readers to this mini-manifesto:

"Instead of wanting more, we will strive for less.

Instead of easier, faster, better; we will opt for slow and deliberate. We will take our time.

We will seek first the needs of others and trust that our own will be provided.

We will discipline ourselves to believe.

We will find our lives by losing it.

We will seek the pearl of great price and sacrifice everything for it.

We will become less to gain more."

Just to let you know, I am not "there" yet. I don't have life figured out, but I am on the journey of discovery - to Live and Be here and now because His Purpose is bigger than me.  

I invite you to read Jeff's book. It's good. You can get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Wrecked-Broken-World-Slams-Comfortable/dp/0802404928. Or you can read Jeff Goin's blog here: http://goinswriter.com/

And so as I asked myself, I ask you, "When were you wrecked?" Or do you still need to be? What does your journey look like?

(Quotation excerpts from Goins, Jeff. Wrecked: When A Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2012.)

When ANTS in the Sugar Tops Off Your Morning...

You know when you get up and things just start feeling "off"?

Photo Credit: HAC Staff

And then...

And then...

And then you're really, really late, and it's beyond your control... (Ahem, yep, I'm talking about myself here, and yes, there WERE ants in the sugar - lots of them!!!)

It's like that children's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

What do you do?!

Sometimes ya just gotta realize that the day will keep on coming,

And ya gotta just keep on going (with a few, "Oh, my!" "Really?!" and a few exclamation points thrown in!).

And maybe the enemy has something out for ya too - he has it easy with your taxed and overwhelmed attitude.

But then your friend starts praying,

You check your "-tude" in the mirror (cuz it's an ugly face staring back at you),

And the sun begins to shine (literally, this is happening as I speak, err write - cold, dreary rain has turned into sunshine peeking in the doorway).

                                                                                                                                                          

So really, how do you respond when your day turns upside down? 

How do you turn (you or your day) right side up again?

What Makes Your Day?

8 heads in a car (1 is hiding)! Transit from Hope Africa that day!
Photo Credit: HAC Staff

I met with small groups of my Life Skills and Computer Training graduates the other day. These groups are so that we Life Skills/Hope Africa staff can touch base with our graduates (former students) to see how the job hunt is going, to answer any questions they may have, and to see how they are doing in their personal lives.

Further discipleship takes place.

Encouragement is the word of the day (and my heart for them in this place in their lives).

In a country where there is 40% plus unemployment, my students find looking for a job and entering the application process - yet again - discouraging and frustrating.

But I hope we at Bridge for Hope can help to Equip them.

We also hope to bridge the gap between our unemployed graduates and companies with new job opportunities. The good news is some companies are coming to us for job applicants!

As we went around the room, my students shared where they are at, what they have applied to, what they are waiting for, and WHAT THEY HOPE FOR - in regards to the kind of job they dream of and/or what they would like to study at college/university.

I ask, "What is your goal?" "What steps are you taking to reach that goal?"

As they open their mouths and their hearts, I 'encourage' them to ENCOURAGE each other. "Can you see 'so and so' being a... or doing that... ?" And students' heads nod. "Yeah," "definitely" are the responses.

A large smile - sometimes a shy smile and a nervous giggle also - appear on the sharer's face.
And at the end of the day, I couldn't help but beam my large smile because my small groups of students make my day!

And I thank God for it!

                                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                                                                                                                            
So I'd love to hear from you! What makes your day? What puts a smile on your face when you look back at your day?

6 Months in South Africa! R.I.P. Worry?! Remember. & Peace.

My "Hi, Thank You, Miss You" face as I send this post!

Part 1 - REMEMBER. 

  

I spent a week in Bible class with my students.

 

 I was called to "Remember" 

What God was doing from the beginning of time 

Through Israel's history

To the promise of an Eternal King and Kingdom.

Jesus Christ. The Fulfillment. The Promise. Of Redemption. For A Whole Earth.

To remember - God created mankind for Relationship and for Worship -

And since that separation

He has Pursued ME - To Restore - ME to Him

Because HE LOVES ME.

HE IS WHO I LIVE FOR - for Relationship and Worship! 

May my students open more and more to HIM WHO PURSUES and LOVES THEM! 

 To see their Need. To understand His Grace. And to accept His Gift.

                                                                                                                                                        

Part 2 - PEACE.

You know? My Worry and stress post? No, I'm not all better - it seldom works that way.

But thank you who shared by blog and e-mail with encouragement, prayers, and your journey.

It means a lot to remember we struggle - maybe with different things - but side by side, with prayer and praise.

My circumstances did change, and I was in a safe place by the weekend! The weeks of waiting and hyperventilating (not literally - I don't think) were over.   

I felt a huge breath of relief almost immediately. 

Peace.

But most times circumstances don't just change -

And still I need to learn. "DON'T WORRY!" Remember He WHO is in control - Faith.

One thing I've learned - is that writing can help me to process and pray and gain perspective - and maybe God sheds light in times like these. 

As I REMEMBER - What God has done and is doing for me. 

I am thankful.

And I sincerely THANK YOU for walking beside me these 6 months (and more-before) - YES, 6 MONTHS I've been back in South Africa!

I have SO SO Much to be thankful for:

• Completed 4 Life and Job Skills Courses with many students (with names that are getting easier for me to pronounce)!
• Some students know Jesus!
• Others have jobs!
• All have training!
• And All have heard about Jesus!

• Have a Home (I call it, "Sanctuary" - being the introvert needing recuperating space) - a secure apartment + 2 flatmates to share with (praying for a final one),
• with a bed, a frig, 
• futon (free), 
• table and chairs and stools (borrowing from kind people)...

I still have a few needs and desires and lots of growing to do, BUT I am thankful.

Today I Remember and Rest in Peace. Sounds like something died, doesn't it?! 

Well then, R. I. P. Worry.

When WORRY Has A Choke Hold

When one part of your life becomes difficult, does it affect the other areas of your life? And negatively at that?

Well, I have been learning - very painfully - is that when I stress about one thing, I let it ooze into the rest of my life! I admit that I am not the faith-filled, little missionary with even the mustard seed kind of faith.

And this - my lack of faith, my stress, anxiety, and worry - is really ugly.

Photo Credit: HAC Staff

Lately, my ministry, my co-workers, friends, and housemates could practically visualize this "burden" upon my shoulders. I hate this - that my "worry" gets in the way of connecting with my students, co-workers, friends, and housemates. Ugh.

And "the burden" is not "the problem," but "the burden" is "the worry" I choose to carry.

It has to do with that "new home" (a.k.a. apartment) I just moved into. I learned new information upon arrival that makes it advisable to leave (no, it's not the housemates. I love them and will be taking them with me).

One reason to leave is the lack of security, and this affects my feeling of safety. There was a burglary here a few months back - a common occurrence here. At night I wake up to various noises and wonder if its someone breaking the windows and entering the next room - really, I do.

Ironically, I'm reading a book now that addresses some of this topic. The author Lisa McKay says, "I'd eventually learned that when you don't feel entirely safe, it's hard to feel at home, regardless of how you define it."

So we are looking to move - SOON - to another "new home."

I know that my circumstances in life will not always change, and if they do, that will only be a temporary solution to my worry - and not really "fix" what I need to address in MY OWN SELF. I still need to learn to give my cares over to God MORE SOMEHOW and have MORE FAITH SOMEHOW. Do you know how to do this? Because I do try and pray and "focus on God" but...?

It raises the question, "Do I really trust God?" With believing God for provision, moving to a foreign country, asking Him to help me give and love others - with all of this, why am I still not trusting Him to care for me?

I read in Matthew 6 where it says "do not be anxious" how many times?!?!

"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matthew 6:30 ESV)

"O YOU of little faith," I bleakly chide myself.

I Am Convicted.

I Acknowledge. GOD. KNOWS. as verses 31-32 continue.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
~ Matthew 6:33-34 ~

And So I Seek... (Honestly, isn't seeking hard to define, to understand - in my muddled, partial, human, faulty and reliant - because "I can't do it myself" efforts?)

I realize how much this is a battle. Spiritually (not to leave out mentally and emotionally). I desire to change - to grow in my faith, as a person, free of worry, and in trusting God. I desire to put worry aside so that I can focus on what really matters and love the people around me.

And this post is so hard for me to share with you and to write for myself and acknowledge - these ugly parts of me. That I still need to be transformed. And that I ask for your prayers. Because I realize that I cannot walk this alone. It is tough over here, as in the PLACE and in the HEART - as I am sure it is over there where you live too.

And I Will "Therefore Do Not Be Anxious..." and "Therefore Be..." to another day when I have the benefit retrospect to give me more perspective. (And I postpone worry this evening to wrap myself in a good book from which the included quote came.)

                                                                                                                                                         

Would you consider sharing your story - about worry and/or faith here? Where are you at? What do you find helpful or harmful?

 I would love to learn from you and to pray with you.

When My Student Inspires Me

At the end of class, students and staff stood in a circle. Our facilitator asked if any students had any motivation to share with the class before departure.

She shared her story - of tragedy. 

Tragedy upon tragedy.

But her countenance was at peace.

She shared because she was compelled by A Greater Peace.

She understands her classmates' hardships: township life, lack of money, death and destruction. 

And she knows a Deeper Foundation and an Inner Joy - He who gives Life to Dry Bones.

And she calls her classmates to discover and find He who gives True Hope and True Life.

Tears ran down cheeks that day as hearts of my students were stirred.

My own tears flowed as my own heart hurt... 

And I am so grateful to a girl who I hoped to inspire but instead she inspires me to Hope.

                                                                                                                                                                  

Please pray for my students' hearts - to Seek and to Find Hope and Life in Him.

The Tough Love of Interview Prep And I Have No Internet

It is Interview Preparation day for my students, and I am their teacher. They are at my mercy - hahahaha (evil laugh gives way to timid chuckle). Not really - I am not that scary.

The question looms, "What do I want to say?" With more to follow. "What should I say? What do I need to say?"

Photo Credit: HAC Staff

 

So I prepared. In the morning I am armed for class. I have my arsenal packed with punches... and big, smothering hugs. 

Punches - because for the life of me these guys have walls that say, "You can't touch me." I hit those walls of theirs in Life Skills course. I prodded at them with my little finger. Many would not budge. But thank the Lord, some crumbled - a little bit.

As for the punch - to give them a hard kick in reality. "It's a big bad world out there. Interviewers are tough, and the competition is brutal. If you're not gonna give it your all, step out of your shell, and show them who you are, then you're not gonna get the job. Period."  

It's a big deal - that shell of theirs, those walls a mile high, or a kilometer high in this case. I've heard the "talkers" talk but then in a big group, they won't say a peep. ("Aaaaah, you have it in you! Just open your mouth," the voice in my head yells.) Leading to my second point... 

It's a VERY big deal - the "WHO YOU ARE" part - what the Life Skills staff and I have been trying to impart to them - their WORTH. But it's not a battle won overnight. 

 

SO that's why I deliver my kick with encouragement! 

 

I believe in you. You have something good to offer - BUT ya' gotta step out - so that they can see you SHINE!

                                                                                                                                                               

As I contemplate what advice to give my students, I ask what advice would you give my students when they go for job interviews?